this beer tastes like vomit already
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
