i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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