I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
