Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
