if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
50% drunk capacity currently
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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