Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
