worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Randomize
