What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
