Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
i permit you to call me
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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