The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Randomize
