dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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