Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
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