you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
smell my finger.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
