Is it normal to miss your booty call?
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
