OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
