At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
