After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
i dont even know how to be here
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I just had sex on a roof
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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