My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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