just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
