I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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