My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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