She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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