I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
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