a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
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