I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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