I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
