literally had 100 drinks last night.
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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