I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
