I hate all girls vehemently.
Non-Jews are for practice
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
