How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I need water and some morals
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize
