I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
