I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
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