My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
