Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Randomize
