I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
It's never too late to be topless.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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