Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
