I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
