The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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