I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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