I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
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