If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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