I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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