Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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