You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
