Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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