that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
