An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
