Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
It's blow job season.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
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