i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
