She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
