Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
